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It is a very special cake that
is not made of flour and sugar like a sponge cake. We can keep eating it,
and it is never finished. It is called The Cake in the Refrigerator.
Practice
There will come a day when
your child is sitting in the living room, and she sees that her parents are
about to lose their temper with each other. As soon as the atmosphere
becomes heavy and unpleasant, she can use the practice of the cake to
restore harmony in your family. First of all, she breathes in and out three
times to give herself enough courage, and then she looks at her mother and
says to her: " Mommy, Mommy." Of course she can do this with her
father, a grandparent, or any other adult that takes care of her as well.
Her mother will look at her and ask, " What is it, my child?" And
she will say, "I remember that we have a cake in the
refrigerator." Whether or not there is really a cake in the
refrigerator does not matter.
Saying "there is a cake
in the refrigerator" really means: "Parents, don't make each
other suffer anymore." When they hear these words, her parents will
understand. Her mother will look at her and say: "Quite right! Will
you go outside and arrange the chairs for a picnic while I go and fetch the
cake and the tea." When mother says this, she has already found a way
out of the dangerous situation. She can run out on to the porch and wait
for her. Her mother now has an opportunity to withdraw from the fight.
Before the child spoke up, her mother could not stand up and leave since it
would be very impolite, and it might pour more oil onto the flames of the
other parent's anger. Now, the mother can go into the kitchen. As she opens
the refrigerator to take out the cake and boils the water to make the tea,
she can follow her breathing. If there is no real cake in the refrigerator,
don't worry, she will find something to substitute for the cake. As she
prepares the cake and tea, she can smile the half smile to feel lighter in
body and spirit.
While the other parent is
sitting alone in the living room, he can begin to practice breathing in
mindfulness. Gradually his hot temper will calm down. After the tea and the
cake have been placed on the table, he may walk out slowly onto the porch
to join the tea party in an atmosphere that is light and full of
understanding. If the parent inside is hesitant to come out, then the child
can run into the house, take his hand, and coax him out by saying, "
Please come and have some tea and cake with me."
Reprinted from Happiness:
Essential Mindfulness Practices (2009) by Thich Nhat Hanh with permission
of Parallax Press, Berkeley,
California, www.parallax.org
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