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Mental wellness is a state of
emotional and psychological wellbeing in which a person is able to cope
with and adjust to the demands of everyday living in a healthy way. Good
news; no one is perfectly mentally well, no one completely mentally ill.
What this means is that we have an active hand in how we manage our mental
health and the choices we make in our lives. What may stress one person may
not have the same effect on the next person.
However, one commonality keeps
us in sameness; that is that we all wish to be Happy. No one wakes in the
morning and wishes, 'Gee, let me find someone I can quarrel with!' or
'Let's hope today I would be hurt, sad or angry'. No one.
So why is there still so much
unhappiness in the world, unhappiness in our daily lives? How can we
maintain mental wellness?
With our intelligence as a
human species developing all sorts of modern technologies and modern day
conveniences, shouldn't we have found a solution? In all honesty, have we
been putting our efforts in the right basket? Have we even been putting in
effort to achieve happiness? Or, have we simply pointed our fingers at
someone in blame and subconsciously believe that happiness too is a
commodity that we can buy from the many retail shops in town.
There is no manual for living,
we learn as we live. The problem arises when we become the living dead. We
become psychologically rigid. It is as if we were 'deers in headlights';
surprised, experiencing fear, panic, anxiety, anger when changes occur in our
lives. We hang on to the existence outside of us as if it were meant to be
permanent, we hang on when we have good days. However, when the bad days
come, we think, 'This is not suppose to happen!' 'This is not the way it
should be!'. That is, our reaction in itself towards life's changes causes
stress.
If we were to look around, the
nature of life in itself is that change occurs. One is born and with birth
is the certainty of death. In the process, people grow old, people age,
people get ill. If one examines carefully, there is nothing that remains
permanent. Even our emotions changes, we have moments of happiness, moments
of sadness.
Buddha taught of the four
noble truths: The first being, the truth of suffering.
Understanding the true nature
of life, is not a passive process nor should one be overwhelmed with
helplessness. Instead it prepares us to be more discerning and learn to
discriminate when and where we are able to make a change and when and where
we are not. Unhappiness arises when we ask 'Why?' about a phenomenon that
is the reality of life. Being psychologically inflexible threatens our
mental wellness. One of the skills one can develop to support mental
wellness is to learn and practice to be psychologically flexible. For those
addicted to asking 'Why?' try instead to adopt the following 'Why worry if
you can do something about it; and why worry if you cannot do anything
about it?'
To be psychologically
flexible, we need to examine ourselves, our mind. It is easy to look
outside of ourselves for causes of suffering, but what we will find is that
there will be a multitude of possible reasons or conditions that could have
lead to the situation. We can always find reasons but reasons may not
necessarily be the cause, one thing is dependent on another. Take for
instance, failing in an important task or a relationship lost. There could
be many reasons one failed in the task or reasons that could have led to
the loss in a relationship. Different people cope with failures and lost
relationships differently; some take it out on themselves, feeling a loss
in self-confidence; some choose to blame it on someone else; some distract
themselves by turning their attention to something or someone else. How one
responds to a given situation determines one's mental wellness.
Two people may experience
failure and loss; one may continue to wallow in self-pity and continue to
experience feelings of unhappiness; the other may have identified possible
reasons that could have led to the failure and decided to take active steps
to improve on the situation or through understanding the situation have
thoughts that lead to healthier emotions. The difference is in the mind
state of the two individuals. This is further expounded as the second noble
truth: the truth of the cause of suffering.
Since our mind state is key in
mental wellness and we all wish for happiness, the suggestion is for each
one of us to take responsibility of our own mind. No, it is not a
responsibility that we can subcontract to our parents, friends, teachers, spouses,
or the government. If we wish to be happy, each one of us will have to
'roll up our sleeves' and 'put in the hard yards' i.e. to heighten our
awareness of what goes on in our minds. With responsibility and awareness,
each one of us has choices about how we respond to each situation in our
lives, no matter how small or large. This is the potential to end suffering
and achieve lasting happiness. That is, the third noble truth: the truth of
the cessation of suffering.
Now how this can be achieved
is the forth noble truth: the truth of the path to the cessation of
suffering. In Buddhism, there are much details on this and for those whose
interest has been tickled, my encouragement is not to let it stop there, it
is in your hands to explore through reading books or learn from a Buddhist
teacher. As a novice, we can begin to walk on this path, through our
choices in each moment of our lives by going back to the simple basics..
Happiness comes from:
Understanding the true nature
of reality or a situation
Taking responsibility for
wanting to be happy
Recognizing the potential to
bring about happiness and reduce/end suffering
Heightening awareness of what
goes on in our own mind
Focusing on developing
positive emotions
Taking active effort to select
these choices for ourselves
These principles are not just
Buddhist, they are practical observations from the lives of many around the
world and of ourselves and of people we see. I am always inspired by those
who may be challenged in many ways by life's circumstances and yet remain
compassionate, happy and positive, often continuing to bring happiness to
others. You see it in their smiles, their faces, their actions. It is our
wish for all sentient beings to be well and happy. For this to be achieved,
at Shan You, it is our humble hope to be able to walk alongside to help
those that come to us and want to help themselves. It is not enough to fish
for someone, rather to teach someone to fish for themselves.
Contact us for an appointment
if you like to take responsibility for your own happiness;
Gain some clarity of your
situation from talking it out with one of our counsellors
Explore in a safe setting what
you have been trying to avoid in your life
Learn how you can be more
aware of what goes on in your own mind through mindfulness practice
Identify your strengths and
choose actions that lead to happiness.
Shan You Counselling Centre,
Tel: 6741 9293
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