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Death is a taboo subject that most people would shun discussing
as it evokes the feeling of discomfort just by merely talking about it. The
truth is, since the day we were born, we were already heading towards the
eventual stage of Death. Yet, most people would spend time and effort to
plan for the future that may or may not occur, but rarely spend time to
prepare for the definite Death. Despite the inevitability of Death, rarely
does one wish to contemplate on the impermanence of life, not to mention
prepare themselves for it.
What makes it so hard to even talk about death is the fear that
is associated with it. The devastating fear of the uncertainty of what it
may bring and even more devastating, what we will lose when death finally
arrives. There are also many superstitious beliefs surrounding death. In
our local context, some cultural beliefs are such that we are not supposed
to utter the word "death", especially during auspicious day like
birthdays or festive seasons, for fear that it
will accelerate the death process of those who heard it. The most common
belief is to totally avoid the number "4", as it has a linguistic
phonological sound that is similar to the mandarin word "DEATH".
Superstitious beliefs like this can sometimes unexpectedly spread their
influence over to other cultures. Many years ago, I saw a Caucasian
expatriate painfully reject buying a car that was of great value for money
simply because the number plate had the number "4"! Talk about
cross-cultural influences taken to the extreme.
Such mystical beliefs that are so deeply ingrained in us have
resulted in one consequence, our denial of death hoping it will not come so
soon. The greater attachment we have to our achievements or possessions,
the more we would not want death to arrive any sooner. Many would prefer
the "take the chance" mentality that says; "Yes, death
happens to everyone but not so soon for me." While most people can
intellectually understand that they have to face death someday, they do not
feel the pressing need to prepare themselves for it.
Recently, a friend was traumatized when he saw his father
diagnosed with severe cancer due to excessive drinking and smoking. The
notion of death occurring soon in his family struck him to re-evaluate his
lifestyle habits which in many ways were very similar to his father. Yet,
despite the fear of death he wasn't able to quit his vices as he was
desperately victimized by his own addictive behaviours.
In other words, even though he sees death and knows that it would occur to
him one day, he is unable to make necessary changes even though his life is
at stake. As such, he continues to live in anxiety of cancer-stricken
possibility that he fears might kill him someday. It is difficult to get
over the loss of someone we love but it is even harder when it is our turn
to depart. Contemplating on the impermanence of our life can increase a
sense of urgency and motivate us to start thinking of how we want to live
our life in order to exit the world as peacefully as possible when the day
comes. If we choose to live a life abusing substances or engaging in high
risk or unwholesome activities, it increases the risk of dying an unpeaceful or sometimes even painful death. Ironically,
how we exit the world is closely related to how we choose to live our life.
Great spiritual traditions in this world have provided
directions and sound advices on how to live our lives so that we face Death
in calmness. In fact, research has shown that people with strong spiritual
beliefs has higher resiliency to bounce back to emotional wellness after
experiencing death in their family. These spiritual teachings and moral
guidelines help make meanings of life and death for the person and bring
peace and comfort to the person near death, which is an utmost important
factor irrespective of religion. Essentially, contemplating on the
impermanence of life is not for the purpose of creating more anxiety in us
but to value our life more fully. The fact that different religions
advocate differing views of life after death also seems to point towards
one universal view, that death is not the end but a process that leads to a
judgment day or karmic reincarnation to reap what we have sowed here in the
lifetime that has just ended. In essence, when we accept that death may
strike anyone at anytime, how we choose to live our life becomes extremely
critical.
An old Chinese Buddhist teaching about the impermanence of life
aptly described a young man who passed away and saw himself in the presence
with the King of Hades, awaiting for his
"sentence" of next rebirth. However, given his young age and with
plenty of unfulfilled wishes, he felt miserable and resented his sudden
departure. While he was queueing for his turn to
receive his next rebirth call, he overheard the King of Hades telling the
old man in front of him that he had sent 3 messages of death notes to him
and that he did not heed those warnings. Hearing that, the young man
complained to the King of Hades that he didn't receive any letters from him
to forewarn him of DEATH coming so soon! The King of Hades replied:
"Young man, I have sent you 3 letters of warning as well but you
failed to take notice of them. The 1st one was sent when you were 5 years
old and your younger sister had died of cancer. The 2nd letter was sent
when your school mate and best friend were killed in an accident. The last
one came when your closest cousin's wife passed away on the day of their
wedding. What made you think I have not forewarned you?"
****If death notes are all
around us everyday, Do you truly see them?****
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