SY-The Battle Within Us -- by Samuel Chua

What causes human suffering? Suffering often arises from highly complex, and often times, multi-faceted issues. Nevertheless, although unpleasant, it is an important part of the human existential experience that contributes to the growth of the individual. For some, they might even contribute to how the person makes meaning out of life.

As a counsellor, I have had the privilege of meeting people from all walks of life who have shared with me on a wide variety of problems and sufferings in their lives. Some experienced suffering because of physical illnesses, many others were distressed over relationship troubles. As human beings, it is inevitable to experience a feeling of having no control over certain events in our life, and if those events result in detrimental outcomes, we naturally feel angry or victimized. However, the last line of defense that we can always have is the "mind".

In the context of Buddhism, the "mind" refers to our consciousness, which includes our perceptions, cognitions and emotions. To "safeguard" the mind is of utmost importance and makes up the core teachings of Lord Buddha. In fact, in many Buddhist sutras, it is mentioned that the Buddha has taught 84,000 skillful means to counter the immense suffering of sentient beings through training the mind. Western psychology studies, in recent years, have also begun to take notice of the important role that the mental faculty plays in human experiences, and how it contributes to the interpretation of our suffering, thus fully complementing Lord Buddha's teachings on the mind. In other words, how we interpret our life events determine how we feel!

According to psychology pioneers, Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck, the majority of human suffering is attributed to our irrational thoughts. In Ellis' words, irrational beliefs are those that dictate that events in our life "should, ought and must" happen in ways that we perceive it should be. Ellis and Beck proposed that we can challenge or counter these irrational thoughts and replace them with more accurate thoughts. When we can rationalize the experience, it alleviates the sufferings. This cognitive approach has helped countless depressed people rebuild their confidence in themselves and live a happier life.

Lord Buddha, however, suggests a more complete solution to human sufferings. He teaches that if we want to be totally free of any forms of suffering, we need to remove all forms of attachment in us. Lord Buddha proposed the solutions as the practice of precepts, development of concentration and contemplation, which will then lead to the arising of wisdom to see the true nature of all phenomena. Buddha further expounded that the reason for our attachments is the desire to possess and our belief that this desired object will last forever.

Unfortunately, this is not true. Even scientists have confirmed that nothing in the universe lasts forever. The whole cosmic system is in the constant process of creation and destruction. Everything is impermanent. The sooner we accept this fact, the less pain we will have in our life since we would be aware that it is only a matter of time that things change. However, this does not mean that we need to be pessimistic and misinterpret it as negative outlook in life. Instead, we can adopt the attitude of welcoming changes in our life.

For some, especially those who suffer from terminal illnesses and immense pain, it is difficult to come to terms with impermanence. Most people would experience a great deal of suffering when they have contracted terminal illnesses. One of the usual first reactions would be "WHY ME?" It is a common reaction when one is suffering from immense pain. Seldom would people even dare to entertain the idea "WHY NOT ME?" It certainly requires a great deal of courage, insight and wisdom in order to be able to come into acceptance of our suffering. Through contemplating on the workings of karma and impermanence, and that our precious body will eventually fail, it makes it more bearable.

Suffering does not only come through the experience of physical pain. The loss of loved ones can create psychological and emotional pain that is equally intense, if not more. When the unpleasant changes take place in a situation where there is no escape at the moment, it intensifies the pain. Let's look at the example of a loving marital relationship in which the one party falls in love with another woman. What was once good companionship and loving words now becomes condemnation. The mere sight of each other or the same words muttered now bring about only disgust and unhappiness. The NEW love relationship becomes the main focus and whoever held on to the old one is left with bitterness.

The Buddha classified this as the suffering of not being able to have what one desires. For the people involved, clinging onto the past and staying hopeful in an already "changed" relationship is almost equivalent to living in Hell. Coming to terms with this is certainly not an easy task. Sometimes, it makes one wonder why is there no MC given for emotional pain when the suffering, although hard to measure, is at least as intense compared to physical pain?

Finally, I hope to end this article with a glimpse of light. Fortunately, Lord Buddha has compassionately left us his precious teachings to help us in alleviating all sufferings in our life. Here's my humble little sharing of principles in life that I hope are aligned with Lord Buddha's teachings:

If it happens to be yours, treasure it and take good care of it since it will be gone someday.

Let it go with compassion and loving-kindness when it is time to do so, since we can't hold on to it forever even if we want to.

If it is not yours, perhaps it is REALLY not meant to be. Still, treat that attachment with loving-kindness and let it go. You may be surprised when it comes back to you in other forms of blessings.

Every form of "ours" we perceive is only a "borrowed" subject that is temporarily under our care. In actual fact, we are just travellers in life where it is impossible to "own" anything, except the Karma of how we handle the "borrowed" subjects under our care.

May all be well and happy¡­ Om Mani Padme Hung!

(The author is a counsellor at Shan You Counselling Centre.)