She has schizophrenia and I love her: A caregiver's 30-year journey -- By Raymond Anthony Fernando

I am a caregiver to my wife who has schizophrenia. My wife, Doris Lau was first stricken with this illness since she was 17 years

and many people find it very hard to believe that I married her despite her mental illness. In caring for Doris for 32 years, I have grown to love her more and more each day. I have seen this illness ravage 30 years of her life and the journey, though very difficult, can be rewarding when I see her enjoy life to the fullest. I always believe that work therapy works for the mentally ill. With my strong emotional support and encouragement, I have managed to motivate her into writing not one, but two cookbooks, because my wife is a pretty good cook. Doris is now a cookbook author of ¡°Cook with Love¡± and the co-author of ¡° The pot that cooks and the pen that moves¡±. She had been uplifted by the success of both these books. This is what is needed to help people with mental illness move on in life - encouragement, motivation and strong emotional support. Never make people with mental illness feel that they are useless or cannot contribute to society, because all of us have been blessed with gifts. It is how we use these gifts to bring out the best in ourselves.

Having to bear the tremendous pain of seeing a loved one suffer so much from this illness, I decided after 30 years to share her story in a novel entitled, ¡° Loving a Schizophrenic¡± because I fervently believe that it will help to give hope to both caregivers and their loved ones stricken with mental illness. I took 3 months to write the story, but needed 8 months to convince Doris to allow me to publish this story. She was so afraid that people would start ¡°boxing us off¡± once they knew that she has mental illness. It was only when I told her that I would use pseudo names, that she allowed me to publish this book. I also convinced her that our story would benefit thousands out there who are ¡°suffering in silence.¡± Both patients with mental illness and their caregivers are often shrouded in shame and silence because our society is still not fully ready to accept people with mental illness. Doris soon realized that I had made the right decision when several caregivers and patients came to us for help because they were inspired by our courage to reveal a very personal side of our lives. My wife is also encouraged that, to-date more than 2,500 copies of this novel have been sold.

Doris has been warded in IMH no less than 10 times during our marriage and I have stuck by her through thick and thin. My long hours at work saw her spending many days and nights all alone. The loneliness and the isolation saw her missing out on her medications, resulting in relapses. In giving up my 31-year career in a large media company, I now personally supervise all her medications 3 times a day. At the moment she takes 21 tranquillizers a day. To ensure that the correct dosage/tablets are given, I type out a list of all her medications on a piece of paper and display it in the kitchen cabinet. In this way, I am able to counter-check the medications to ensure that Doris takes the correct dosage. It is always better to give the medications at fixed hours of the day so that this habit becomes ingrained in both patients and their caregivers For example, for Doris, I will give her the morning medicine at 7am, 12noon for the afternoon medications and 7pm for her evening medicines. If we stick to a specific routine and take the medicines faithfully, it will help in preventing persons with mental illness from falling into relapses.

Look out for the warnings signs!

After caring for Doris for 32 years, I am now more alert to the warning signs of Schizophrenia. These are some of the symptoms that she displays when she falls into a relapse.

1. She complains of headaches

2. She cannot sleep at night

3. She is deep in thought

4. She has overwhelming sadness

5. She has difficulty concentrating

6. She starts recalling unpleasant memories

7. She has a loss of appetite

8. She believes that people are talking about her

9. She becomes very fearful, suspicious and argumentative?

10. Dandruff starts appearing on her forehead and on her hair despite shampooing.

11. Finally, she has suicidal thoughts and at this stage, must be warded.

Caregivers need to observe these symptoms and if they are able to pick up some of the first few warning signs, a relapse can be prevented if the doctors are informed early.

In managing a loved one with mental illness, it is important to observe the 3 Ps -

Patience,

Perseverance and

Prayer.

It is also not advisable to bring in religion when a person is into a relapse because it can confuse the patient. However, the caregiver needs a great deal of spiritual help in travelling this difficult journey. People with mental illness just need one person to love them and they can recover. Sometimes a simple hug can say a thousand words.

Many people have asked me why I married Doris knowing fully well that she has Schizophrenia. My answer to them is a simple one: If schizophrenia is part of my wife’s life, then it must surely be part of my life. I don’t necessarily like what the illness does to her, but it is her that I love. And that will always be the guiding, motivating force of my life.

Raymond Anthony Fernando and Doris Lau

Profile of the caregiver

Raymond Anthony Fernando is a motivational speaker, poet, author, freelance television actor and an advocate for the mentally ill. He is also a caregiver for his wife, Doris who has recovered from schizophrenia. Raymond has 32 years¡¯ experience in caring for his wife.

Raymond¡¯s novel, ¡°Loving a Schizophrenic¡±, priced at $15 can be purchased at Rank Books, Shan You or at his website at: http://www.rayofhope.per.sg/