A little vignette on sicknes -- by Ocean Cloud

Minor illnesses like colds and coughs afflict everyone periodically. On the physical level, it's the body's way of saying, "wake up, pay attention!" to whatever areas you’ve been neglecting or harming your body. On another level, the causes and various conditions are as complex as karma, physical, biological, etc, conditions go.

Like many, I'm quite an easy host to the flu virus. Living in a time where some strange mutant or variant of the virus occurs regularly, the flu can go deep down into the bones, sapping you of energy, making you feverish, nauseous, and unable to function even at the most basic level of getting up to pour yourself a much needed cup of water.

Here's the thing: before I "encountered" the Buddha Dharma, all I could do was to focus on the icky part of illness; how it was making me waspish and just about the most self-centred narcissistic grouch on earth; worrying about the endless tasks I had to complete and how I just could not afford to get sick.

I'm nowhere near the level where one sees how body and mind can be so totally separate and thus remain unaffected by any level of physical pain no matter how excruciating that is.

On the other hand, my recent attack of the flu gave me a glimpse of how peaceful one can still remain while the body feels that it is breaking up into pieces and about to disintegrate ?in fact, how much more understanding and compassionate one is because one is ill.

Meditating while ill

I'm not sure how far this extends to others, but I discovered that when the body is enervated as in sickness, the mind has no choice but to face itself. And when this happens, one can sometimes go into the most peaceful meditative states. There are countless explanations for this, but here's what a synthesis of what I put together subsequently: being in the physical body is so dense and heavy but we're mostly unaware of what a drag it is carrying it around. I'm not saying that a healthy body is gratuitous ?far from it, as we need it as a vehicle to cultivate ourselves spiritually ?but that we don't truly see what a pain it is to be in one until we fall sick.

And when we feel our energy literally leaking away so quickly, the mind just wants to be pure spirit-completely free; something like what is mentioned in out-of-body or near-death experiences.

So there I was on public transport, not quite sick, but feeling the depletion of energy which marks the onset of sickness, wondering how I was going to work when Medicine Buddha's mantra came to mind.

Concentrating and reciting it silently, I felt a radiant peacefulness and light emanating from the heart and going through the body. More than that, the micro-realization which has been drummed in many Dharma talks but which has never been fully realized by me came to mind: It's so much more important to heal the spirit and mind. The body breaks down but the mind goes on. You are not your body, you are not even what you think your mind is. And with that tiny insight came a quiet and encompassing understanding and compassion for beings around the world suffering from sicknesses of all kinds.

This is basic knowledge to anyone deeply acquainted with the Buddha's Four Noble Truths, but it hit me deeply then. The only things that matter in the end are compassion, peace and understanding. And not just because these are all we carry into our future lives, but for the sake of the beings still existing and suffering. And that there is boundless light in the heart which we do not realize because of this duality between mind and body; how once there is a physical body to want and desire, we automatically set up all sorts of barriers between ourselves and the universe at large.

This little vignette partially came about because I came to know that an acquaintance's sister has leukemia and like all chronic illness, cancer ravages and devastates not just the patient but its family.

But to look at him, you wouldn't think that. He radiates a gentle vibe that is filled with light and kindness. Of course, no one who has witnessed a terrible level of pain and suffering in one's loved ones can ever be untouched by the sheer waste and futility of this type of pain. But to arrive at a point of calm, acceptance and an open heart to all beings because when you've truly witnessed another's suffering and pain, all barriers and boundaries break down and you are filled with compassion and understanding for them all ?takes an extraordinary fortitude and patience. You have to go through endless ricochets of helplessness and hope, grief, anguish, worry, anxiety, all of without ever being certain of any outcome.

It is in this way that you never want anyone to go through that suffering because you've seen it all and will do anything you can to alleviate it, although you are also aware that sometimes, there is really nothing you can do except be an unwavering beacon of love and light to all who you meet.

Perhaps that is how a bodhisattva is molded: from the terrible and fearless understanding that sometimes, you can't really change things but nonetheless, you'll do all you can to build yourself up to benefit others.

I'd like to end on the note of wishing all beings to be healed in spirit, mind and body, and that may whatever help or succor needed by people suffering from all sickness, old age and suffering find its way to them.