The Discourse On Letting Go Of "I" -- by Ven. Gotami (Sri Lanka -- Prajapathi Meditaion Centre)

"Nirvana" means letting go of everything; everything ceases and that is Nirvana. What have to be ceased? We should know the way the world clings onto things (attachment). Your birth can be merit or demerit (good karma or bad karma), but who is responsible for this karma? The next question is how to counteract karma? Our karma is the result of the thought that there is an "I" or "self" in us. This is normally what people call "self", or "I". Then we realize that it is the mind and the body, the mind resulting from the karma and the karma giving us the body. Looking at our mind, we can see when we are angry or when we need something or when we are attached to something; it is easy to attract the mind.

It is more difficult to get rid of the idea of "self" in the body. Without mindfulness, we always give value to our body. Let me give you an example when we are in a group, two people can disagree and argument break out between the two. The cause of argument is that these people believe that there are "I" in them and that makes them quarrel. Lord Buddha said we have to be mindful all the time. There are four elements of mindfulness, they are: body, feeling, mind and Dharma (Satipathana). We have to be always aware of these. Unless you are constantly aware or mindful, you will have the belief of "self" in you. If you observe the mind and body carefully, you will find that the body is one thing and the mind is another and the two are working together. Without mindfulness, we cannot see how the mind and body are working separately but together as we.

Now, suppose you are meditating on the body and mind separately. Your body does what your mind thinks, if you wish to stand, you first think of standing up and your body stand up. While you are meditating, somebody comes and tells you something that happens elsewhere, immediately your attention is brought to that, then that mindfulness disappears and the belief in "I" takes place because you react without the awareness or mindfulness, that your mind is giving attention to the other person and the awareness of your body turning towards him. If you wish to get rid of this idea of "self" in the body, your mindfulness must always be there. Mindfulness enables one to see the mind as the cause and the body as the effect. This is similar to any other problems in the world like fairness, unfairness, your duties, all these come along with the idea of "self". For so many previous births that you had been practising about the idea of how to get rid of "myself" or "I", you have not been able to eradicate completely the notion of "I" and therefore you have been in samsara. We have got together today as a result of it, but someday you will somehow get rid of it by practising insight meditaion. But we have to ask ourselves, our own mind, and find out when we are going to do it (to get rid of the self or I). The person who realizes the answer is the person who can see the first Noble Truth (Suffering).

The first Nobel Truth of Suffering is not that you are poor or you do not have enough food and haven't enough clothes to wear, it's not that. It is--you have to see through your own mind the suffering which you receive as a result of giving value to your body. The thought that arises as the result of thinking that the body is you, you have to realize this. Now, next thing is to see why that thought could not be got rid of. This is because you love your body, the desire for your body and that is the Second Noble Truth. The craving arises because of ignorance. Because of ignorance, we have so many thoughts. This thought for the body brings about the beginning of your birth that takes you to the womb of your mother. You will always be reborn unless you get rid of that thought of the "I" in the body. In whatever kind of meditations that were given by any teacher, the essence of it is to develop the Noble Eight- Fold Path and try to get rid of this idea of "self". This is the essence of Dharma. The essence of all meditation is to get rid of the idea of "self" in the body, and unless you are doing that, and kind of meditation will not be of any help to you.

There are three sublime truths in Buddhism, which are impermanence, suffering and selflessness (no ego). These three characteristics are very important in the realization of the Dharma. But all three are not necessary for each one of you because you might have been meditating on one of these characteristics for a long time. It is therefore necessary for the meditation teacher to find out where you are and what suits you best and gives you the instruction on whether you should be meditating on impermanence, suffering or selflessness. A person could have done a lot of bad Karma and he is a very rough type whereas another person could be of a very gentle type, both persons could be given the meditation subject of impermanence in two different ways. For people who had given a lot of value to their body in many births, it is difficult for them to do meditation on Kaya Rupasana, or the impurity of the body. We have to examine our own mind very closely in order to find out the defilement (anger, hatred, jealousy, and attachment, etc) that are in the mind. Unless we know where we have gone wrong, it is not easy to correct ourselves. If we cannot take away or destroy our defilement that means we are still not completing our virtue of Paramita. And if we have, then, we are like a flower waiting for the ray of sunlight to be bloomed.

By then we have to think about our own "self", and find out what we have been lacking in the ten Paramita and we should try to complete and perfect them, in which case we can easily go forward without any obstacles.

Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu!